Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
