JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
