I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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