I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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