Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
