I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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