I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
