Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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