If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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