Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
