Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
