I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
