she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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