She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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