I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
