Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
