My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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