hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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