I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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