If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
