hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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