dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
