so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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