there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
