went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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