next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
