this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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