Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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