I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
