She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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