god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
