thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
