We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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