put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
