hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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