Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
