we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize