Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
