apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
