What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
