I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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