What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
