Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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