when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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