Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
