he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
