we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
