So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
