remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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