READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
