3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
