just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
