I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
