Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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