so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
