I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
