I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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