we're chasing vodka with high fives
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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