Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
