I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
