Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
