I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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