wanna go halves on a baby?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
