everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
