I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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