Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
