i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dick very happy bro
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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