you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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