I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
