i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
