Got a toothbrush?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
