Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
