I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
