It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
