my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
