I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
