I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this boner is exhausting
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
