I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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