toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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