Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
