how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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