What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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