I CAN MOONWALK!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
